Creating a unique purpose has become harder today, largely because social media has unified and flattened our experiences. It’s not just about what happens in your local area anymore—you’re constantly exposed to how people live around the world.
This might be something I feel more strongly about because of age. I’ve been online since I was 14 and don’t remember life before the internet. Born in 1997, I never experienced the sound of dial-up or a world without instant connection.
Talking to people my age, I’ve noticed a lack of personal values and a clear "why" behind our lives. It’s something I find sad, and I want to make forming a purpose cool again by sharing my own struggles with finding meaning.
I think this relates directly to work. Our life purpose influences career choices, and careers shape our purpose in return. When we say, “I feel lost in my career,” it often reflects a deeper feeling of being lost in life itself.
What is your Purpose?
I talked a big game in the title of this Substack, promising to help you find your purpose. The truth is, I’m still figuring it out myself, but I can share the approach I’m using to find my own purpose.
The framework we will use…
List out what you don’t agree with
Write out the opposite you disagree with
Those are your beliefs!
Take all of your beliefs and combine them into one concept
That’s your purpose!
Instead of stressing over what’s most important to me, I take the opposite approach. I love trying new ideas, lifestyles, and beliefs, but at some point, it’s necessary to take a stance. Crafting a personal manifesto can feel overwhelming if you don’t know where to start.
We often times over complicate what our purpose in life is. We think there’s one true answer that we haven’t found yet but need to spend a lot of wasted time trying to seek out that one sentence that will perfectly describe who we are. Instead of that, just focus on a few personal beliefs you have.
I begin by defining what I choose to opt out of. In fact, I recently updated the About page of this Substack to reflect that framework. Rather than overthinking how to communicate my mission, I simply listed the things I encourage us to opt out of.
Everything I Opt Out From
Mainstream media consumption
I got sober in July 2020, and around that time, I stopped watching the news. It’s not that I haven’t seen it since—I just no longer rely on it for information. I made this decision when I realized the news focuses more on fear than on things that actually improve my life.
Added sugar
I’m not a psycho—I enjoy desserts here and there. And no, I’m not keto (I’ve tried it, and it’s not for me). Reducing sugar has made me realize how much unnecessary sugar is added to everyday foods. So, I avoid added sugar as much as possible because I believe it leads to chronic illnesses, and the U.S. allows way too much of it in our food.
That said, I don’t make a fuss over the occasional piece of cake at a party. But you won’t catch me buying cereal. I find it creepy that grocery stores dedicate an entire aisle to cereals with garish boxes and mascots designed to make sugar-filled foods seem fun—while we’re still learning how harmful sugar really is. It just creeps me out.
Fast food
For the same reasons I avoid added sugar, I stay away from fast food. Fast food and fast casual dining feels like NPC behavior to me—you walk into identical restaurants and order highly processed food. Growing up paleo, I didn’t form any nostalgia for these chains.
I also worked at Taco John’s during my teenage years, and seeing how that food is made killed any appetite I had for it. I’ve written about that experience and all my other jobs in a recent Substack article.
That said, I’m not extreme about it. If I’m on a road trip or having a busy day, I’m not protesting in the parking lot—I’ll just find something that doesn’t gross me out.
Emotionally reacting
I grew up in an alcoholic home, which brought a lot of chaos and confusion. My boyfriend, Matt, had a similar upbringing, so we choose to not emotionally react to things easily. That doesn’t mean we don’t have emotions—we just prioritize respecting each other in the moment.
If you’ve noticed how I carry myself in the public, I don’t emotionally react much. Even when I've been discussed in the media, it didn’t really bother me—I saw it as a marketing opportunity.
In friendships, this can sometimes make me seem insensitive, which isn’t true. I’m actually very sensitive and care deeply. You just won’t catch me getting caught up in gossip. After such a chaotic upbringing, I value peace above all else.
Hating men
I was raised in a very anti-man environment, and I carried that belief into my teens and early 20s—it didn’t lead anywhere good. Now, I focus on finding men I admire and love instead. I think the current “anti-man” movements, like the 4B movement, are targeting the wrong source to the issue. I’d need a whole separate Substack to dive into my thoughts on that.
I’m not here to argue about personal experiences with men or whether those experiences justify cutting men out of your life. That conversation isn’t healthy for me or the progress I’ve made in breaking generational cycles. All I know is, if your life strategy involves avoiding half the population, that’s more of a failure than a solution.
Worrying about the future
I was diagnosed with anxiety disorders as a kid, and I spend a lot of time thinking about the past—sometimes to the point of forgetting to eat for days or even losing track of my body and emotions. I’m the queen of dissociating. So now, I don’t worry about the future, ever. Like today—it’s Sunday, and I could easily stress about the deadlines and what could go wrong this week, but I just don’t.
Over-romanticising the past
I often tell myself I was a better person in the past and that I’ve lost my way. Whether or not that’s true, I know that kind of thinking isn’t helpful, so I try to stop the cycle whenever I catch it.
Personal alcohol consumption
I’m sober, and most of you know this. While alcohol had negative consequences in my life, it doesn’t bother me to be around others who drink. I abstain because I’m vulnerable to repeating generational cycles, and I believe alcohol is tied to our passed-down traumas.
If you're curious, being sober for four years has brought some interesting changes. The thought of the vodka burn I once loved now makes me nauseous, and I can almost supernaturally smell alcohol on people or in restaurants—something I never noticed before. I still have vices, though, like caffeine and nicotine pouches, and I tend to obsess over things like yoga.
Quitting alcohol has made life both simpler and harder. It's simpler because I’m no longer blacking out or complicating my life—restaurant bills are cheaper, and I don't worry about Ubers or designated drivers. But it's harder because I’m fully feeling emotions now without numbing them. I tell myself that the discomfort is the price I pay for years of avoiding my feelings, and while the validity to that statement is debatable, it keeps me motivated.
Growing up in a confusing environment and quitting alcohol has also given me the strength to opt out of things that don’t serve me. I’m constantly evaluating the level of BS in everything, making quick decisions about whether something works for me. While I usually focus on work norms, I apply this mindset to all aspects of life. It’s intellectually stimulating, though it can be overwhelming at times.
Watching TV
I watch TV maybe one night a week. We have a TV in every room, but they’re rarely on, thankfully! I’m not into movies or shows, and growing up without cable, I never got hooked on TV. I also hate the background noise it creates. Instead, I usually entertain myself by calling someone, reading, writing, or doing chores.
I don’t think TV is inherently bad, but making it your main source of entertainment isn’t great.
Social media, actually!
I have a set list of creators and public figures I love, and I’ll go deep—watching all their podcasts, buying their merch, subscribing to their Substacks. But surprisingly, I don’t doom scroll as much as you’d expect from someone who works full-time in social media.
Working in social media has kind of ruined it for me as a user. When I’m scrolling, I’m either analyzing content for creative choices, getting inspired with ideas for my own videos, or silently fuming over obvious engagement hacks that people fall for. It just feels more like work than entertainment.
I also avoid content in my own niche. I don’t care to respond or copy anyone else’s ideas. I prefer creating original content because I believe my intellectual property is my greatest offering, and it needs to stand out.
Automating real life
I’m obviously a fan of automation - I offer coaching on how to automate your 9-5. Automating parts of your job or business is great and sometimes necessary for success. For a long time, I wanted to automate my entire life to eliminate stress, and I realize now that came from a fear of living in a chaotic household again.
But over the last few years, living with my boyfriend, I’ve learned that doing things around the house together can actually be fulfilling. We’re not perfect—our to-do list is endless, and we get distracted or forget tasks—but I’ve come to see that handling these responsibilities can be rewarding in its own way.
Anti-religion
I grew up Roman Catholic but took a break before my Confirmation and swore off the idea of God for a long time, stuck in the question of why bad things happen if God exists. Then, in a Philosophy of Religion class, I studied various viewpoints and realized there are thoughtful, intelligent people on both sides of the belief in God.
Since getting sober, I’ve been on a spiritual journey and now believe in something greater than myself. The form of that "something" doesn’t matter to me—just knowing there’s something bigger than me does. When I try to take control instead of trusting in a higher power, my life gets worse. So I choose to believe in God.
I’m not always consistent in remembering, but beautiful miracles happen from time to time that gently remind me there is something greater.
My Values
I realize that by listing the things I dislike, I can define my values by stating their opposites. For me, it looks like this:
I’m a sober young woman who prioritizes respect over emotional reactions. I prefer clean, local food over unhealthy, processed options. I value spending time with men I respect, reading, writing, and doing chores around the house. Believing in God is also key to my well-being.
This approach feels simpler than battling with the endless choices out there. If you try this for yourself, your values will look different from mine—and that’s the beauty of it. We all have unique personal values that can shape our purpose. I feel more grounded and self-loving when I focus on mine, and I’m more inclined to respect others' values, even if I don’t agree with them, because I understand the power of defining what truly matters for your mental health.
Try it out for yourself and comment your personal values down below! (Please be nice and respectful to each other)
I am an ecosocialist focused on building a company around self-managing teams, distributed leadership, and commons-based peer production.