10 Things I've Never Told You
From prison calls to cult recovery to God as my boss...this is the real stuff.
I share a lot online. But there are some things I’ve never fully said out loud.
If you've ever wondered what actually shaped me (beyond the viral videos and hot takes) this is it.
Here are 9 things about me that most people don’t know.
Some are painful. Some are spiritual. All of them are real.
I’ve had the most honest conversations of my life with my dad in prison
He’s been there for five years. He doesn’t remember the moment that put him there. He’s violent and mentally ill.
I actually like that he’s in prison. Which I know is crazy and most people usually worry for me when they hear this detail about my family. But in reality, it’s the most successful scenario of our adult relationship together. He’s fed, sober, and medicated there. When he’s not, he’s homeless and, to keep it short, it’s just overall a lot more complicated.
Over the last five years, I’ve learned how to talk to him on the phone when he calls every few months. It’s one of the most profound experiences I’ve ever had. We didn’t have a relationship for a long time. He is my abuser.
Now I ask him questions about the abuse I experienced as a kid, and he answers honestly. I let him talk. I don’t fight. I just listen. I get to witness him as an adult just talking to another adult. I forgive him and there's truly nothing that he can say or do to hurt me anymore. And also, when he is sober and medicated, he doesn’t want to hurt me and he does try to love me in his own way. I still don’t see him as a dad and never will and that’s okay. I have been blessed with many other father figures in my life.
And I found my person, my boyfriend Matt. And him and I have been together for 5 years and we don’t repeat the same cycles I was raised in. So I now feel like it’s a closed karmic loop.
I am now the age he was when my mom was pregnant with me. My upbringing was very chaotic and complicated. And when I would ask questions about why my mom would stay I get answers like “you’ll understand when you’re older”. Well, I am now “older” and I probably have even more questions now and not the promised answers. So my birthday this year was kind of emotional for me. I felt I was now living in my parents shoes and accessed a new level of empathy for them. And at the same time kind of like a “what the fuck was that….I would never make those choices” kind of feeling.
He gets out next year. I am really not looking forward to that but we will cross that bridge when he gets there.
I just tell myself: if he’s willing to help himself, he will do it. If not, he won’t help himself and will be in the same spot. I now have some extra resources and connections to help him, but that’s my choice to make when I am ready. So I am actually not losing anything either way.
Very hurt and angry 15 year old Gab would be very shocked to hear this progression in our relationship, but I am now willing to talk to him if we are both sober. He cannot watch my future kids, but he can see them with me or Matt present if he’s sober/alive/not in prison. And when my future kids are old enough and ready, I will explain it to them and stay open for questions. No secrets but no emotionally immature trauma dumping either.
I don’t have a boss. I have God
I was raised Catholic, but not in a strict way. Just some Sunday School, lots of Christmas Masses and wakes. I come from mega Irish Catholic roots, but I never got Confirmed. I felt like that was a big decision for someone to make as a young teen so I put it off.
Now I’m drawn to eastern mysticism, yogic philosophy, and the Bible. I am open to a lot of other modalities. I’ve been hypnotized, had tarot cards read, astrology and psychic readings, etc…
Since 2020, I read all kinds of religious texts. I had a spiritual awakening in 2021. I hit my head and realized how much of my reality was a self-created prison. I’ve never looked back!
I carve out time to pray, meditate, and reflect. If I can’t see God, I can’t see my next move.
I genuinely believe God is my boss. I don’t expect anything from anyone. No one works for me, and I don’t work for anyone else. I let God work through me.
I speak loudest when I say nothing
I like listening. I like noticing what people really mean when they talk. I study patterns. I don’t speak from emotional reaction because that’s a hard boundary for me. I’d rather take a pause and revisit later when I’m grounded.
It feels good to be invited into things. I don’t insert myself. I like being seen and chosen.
But I’m not shy or antisocial and I think I get misunderstood that way sometimes.
When Lazy Girl Jobs popped off, I was getting scammed
It’s a long story (I’ve written about it before), but I got scammed pretty badly. It took two years to recover financially. Don’t feel bad please, I ended up growing it back tenfold. And it was a luxury-problem kind of scam.
Still, in the moment it didn’t feel like a luxury. And I had to forgive myself. I started self-sabotaging and repeating the pattern.
Then I just stopped. I don’t know how. I think I got tired of being scared and found a way to shift back into courage.
Yes, I was in a cult. No, I didn’t drink the Kool-Aid
I’ll go into more detail in my book, but yes, it was a mild cult technically classified as an LGAT (Large Group Awareness Training).
If you watch The Program on Netflix, I did what you’ll see in the second episode. It’s a technique/cult that’s been used in many different environments. My environment was a personal development group. The environment you’ll see on Netflix is boarding schools.
I knew early on it was a cult, but I stayed because I had paid for it. Looking back, staying after I knew is what hurt the most. But I also met amazing people through it, and a few of the teachings were helpful. Getting hazed by older strangers weirdly helped me build the confidence to speak publicly and to go viral, do interviews, be on stages and on TV.
There was a darker side of the group I wasn’t invited into. Probably because I was too disruptive. To put it in perspective, one friend thought I was on staff because I spoke up and took control of the room so often.
Most people don’t notice, but I am vision impaired
Yes, my glasses are real haha.
I have a lazy eye (that doesn’t drift), binocular vision dysfunction, and an astigmatism in my right eye. I’m left-eye dominant. As a kid, I wore an eye patch to train my right eye so it wouldn’t go blind.
People who know me well look at my left eye. I can tell when someone’s looking at my right eye because it feels like they’re looking away from me.
I have depth perception issues. It’s not a big deal but it can look like sometimes missing light switches on the right side. It’s hard for me to see at dusk or at night. I understand the world visually through color, so when there’s no color contrast, it’s difficult. My eyes are constantly blinking and twitching to adjust.
I don’t prioritize eye contact when I talk, because it’s hard for me to find people’s eyes. In the US, this sometimes reads as nervousness or rudeness, but it’s just how I function.
Some days I have “bad eye days.” I don’t know what else to call them. My brain gets tired. I avoid retail stores because of the lighting and I shop online instead. I drive like a normal person, but when I could afford it, I bought a car with cameras and safety features just to be extra safe. Don’t take for granted being able to back up in a car and look back using your right side of vision hahahaha.
I’m not a LASIK candidate, and I’ve always loved glasses. They’ve been part of my personality since I was a baby. I don’t see any of this as suffering; I just forget that people online don’t know these things about me.
I haven’t mastered anything yet
This isn’t imposter syndrome. It’s just the truth.
I haven’t hit 10,000 hours in anything I currently do for work. You’re watching me master things in real time: entrepreneurship, people management, personal brand building, social media strategy, product development, marketing, writing, speaking, PR, negotiation.
And yet, I’ve landed opportunities that expect mastery. So behind the scenes, that’s what I’m working on every day. I love it. Some days I look up and think, “Oh wowie, Gab. What did we get ourselves into?”
Before social media, people like Gary Vee and Codie Sanchez put in their 10,000 hours off camera. Now, you don’t have to wait. Social media is its own kind of bootcamp. The moment you start, it teaches you fast.
Knowing I haven’t mastered anything is freeing. It’s not an insecurity or complaint. It helps me show myself grace when I get stuck.
I never truly knew what it meant to celebrate….until my book deal
Landing my book deal was the best day of my life. We closed it on my 28th birthday this past March, and I had never felt more peaceful or present. I took the rest of the month off to just be. No goals, no agenda, no trips.
Only in that moment did I realize how disconnected I’d been from every other milestones like birthdays, graduations, even accomplishments. That moment redefined celebration for me.
I had never made that much money in one day. It finally hit me: the impact I’ve created, the number of people who care about my work, the size of the teams that want to work with me. It was overwhelming and grounding all at once.
Maybe it’s a little corporate pick-me to need that kind of external validation. But whatever. It was a big moment. I’m bookmarking it as a lesson.
I’ve felt 40 years old since I was a kid
I don’t even know how else to explain that because it sounds crazy. I’ve always felt like an age I’ve never actually been.
Most of my friends are older. I loved listening to adults when I was a child. I remember being a kid myself and seeing kids on a playground and thinking to myself look at those cute kids.
When people say my real age now, it feels like they’re talking about someone else.
I think in the metaphysical, so I get worried about not being understood
I think very hard and long before I talk. I want my words to provide as much value as possible to people. I don’t like judging or projecting. I’m sure I still do these things but I try my hardest not to. I think judgement and projection are self-imposed prisons which limit our access to a higher version of ourselves.
But I think so much in the metaphysical. I just see everything as is. I don’t think in binaries like good vs bad. I just can access all sides of purpose in every moment. But most people find that super weird and boring. I can also get lost in the sauce of that and find no motivation to fix anything. Which isn’t quite the recipe for success in this metaphysical world.
So I try to speak more candidly. I have been working a lot with ChatGPT on how to get my words to land better to more people.
I used to think I had to keep these things private to be taken seriously. But maybe the truth is, people connect to your work more when they know what shaped it.
If any of this mirrors something you've experienced,you're not alone. I hope this helped you feel a little more seen today!